Couples Counselling
by Tiger'sHeart88
Summary: Burgh always loved stories where the hero fell in love with their best friend, but he'll find out that falling in love with your enemy can also be pretty dang romantic too. Absintheshipping.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, I deleted my other story and was going to move accounts, but that kinda didn't work out. some chapters of that story were deleted, so I don't have them anymore...I was going to upload it again, but now I can't, so I don't know what I'll do with that...anyway here's a new story, I apologize in advance!

* * *

It was finally the night of the Pokémon league get-together, and I couldn't be more excited. Elesa only added to my enthusiasm when she informed me that the league had some serious hunks. I had only become a gym leader recently, and while I was familiar with a few of my co-workers, I hadn't officially met all of them. I was hoping this evening was a chance for me make friends and get familiar with everyone.

When Elesa and I arrived in Nacrene City, the chosen location for the gathering this year, we were among the last to arrive. I felt a little guilty; after all it was my home town. Elesa and I would have arrived earlier, but we both took quite a while deciding on what to wear, and after all, I wanted to make a good impression.

Upon arriving, Lenora greeted us with excitement.

"Elesa! Burgh! Nice to see you. How's gym leader life treating you?"

"Fine." I said "it can get a little dull, if I don't have challengers for a while; but, that gives me more time for my art, which I've sadly neglected thanks to a nasty artist's block."

"Well, I guess that's good to hear." She replied "I'm sure you'll fit in just fine with the rest of us!"

"Thanks."

We were just about ready to walk into the building when a look of sudden realization flashed across Lenora's face.

"I almost forgot!" she exclaimed and slapped me on the shoulder. "I found you the perfect guy"

"Um, what?" I murmured, unaware that she was in the matchmaking business.

"Yeah, I found this guy, He's great, in fact he's here tonight, I invited him."

Lenora rambled on a little longer about this mystery man, and seemed to repeat "he's great" as many times as she could.

"Anyway," she recaptured my attention, and seemed to have come to an end. "What do you say, should I go get him?"

"Uh…as long as he likes art." I replied hesitantly "last week I got in a fight with some guy with weird hair and a yellow scarf because he said art was "overrated doodling."

Her eyes lit up at my acceptance. "You just get yourselves settled in! I'll go get him and make sure he likes art, and then I'll find you!"

She turned and disappeared into the room.

Elesa sucked in a sharp breath.

"I don't think you should have done that." She said nervously

I looked at her confused. "Why not?'

"Well, Lenora's tried to fix me up a couple of times too…and the guys she picks…are a little…odd."

"Odd?"

"Odd."

I bit my lip, now I was imagining every possible thing "odd" could have meant.

"All I'm saying," Elesa continued "is it would be smart if you had a good excuse ready. Lenora means well, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but there was no way I was going out with any of those guys."

"Right, I'll think of something."

Elesa and I headed into the building, and my excitement had morphed into nervousness.

The building was packed. Gym leaders and Elite four members weren't the only ones attending. Respected Pokémon enthusiasts were also welcome.

Elesa and I saw Brycen at a small table, and we made our way over to him. Brycen was one of the few league members I was already acquainted with, and I was glad we found him.

He greeted us with a nod

After we were seated Brycen and Elesa invited over other league members, and before I knew it, I had heard more names that I could count. Each league member was such a character. From the triplets to the dragon girl, I had gotten quite a variety of people.

After things calmed down, Elesa, Brycen and I were left alone again.

"So, what do you think?" Brycen asked

"I_ love_ it." I replied earnestly "all the girls are so cute, and the guys just as much. And this room is _so_ chic! I'm getting all kinds of artist's inspiration."

"Oh dear Arceus." A sour voice cut in.

I whipped my head around, and set my eyes on the table next to ours.

"Excuse me?" I questioned crossly

"Oh nothing." The man sitting there remarked flatly "I'm just not that fond of you _artists._"

"Artists? What are you…?" I stopped mid-sentence and got a better look at the guy. "Wait, a second, your that guy!" I gasped.

"That guy?" he said retorted and faced me.

"You're that guy!" I pointed a (fantastically manicured) finger at him. "You're that guy from the museum, the one who doesn't appreciate art!"

The guy stared at me with squinted eyes, while Elesa and Brycen looked on in confusion.

"I remember," he groaned "you're that annoying little fairy who pestered me earlier."

"Fairy?" I was astonished at the insult. "How dare you! And I wasn't pestering you, I was correcting you!"

"_Correcting me?_" he gaped, "isn't _art_" he made air quotations. "All about an individual's perception?"

"well-"

"See? You people make no sense"

"Burgh, what's going on?" Elesa cut in

"This is that guy I mentioned earlier, I got in an argument with him at a museum, because he hates art."

"For the record," The man explained to Elesa "I don't hate art; I just don't see what the big fuss is about."

"What the fuss is about?" I exclaimed "art is everywhere! Image and world without it! It would be grey and boring."

"See?" he sighed "image me, minding my own business, in a museum when all of a sudden this guy comes flying in like a zubat out of hell screeching about the importance of art."

"Ugh, you're the one who started it! You're the one who was, oh so rudely, criticizing every piece. You were blatantly hostile and disruptive, and I simple asked you to keep your opinions to yourself. You're the one who turned it into an argument. Why would you even go to an art museum if you don't like art?"

"What I was doing there was none of your business." He hissed

I had quite the rebuttal ready, but Elesa beat me to it.

"All right you two," she cut in "that's enough. It doesn't matter what happened. Let's just start over, and try to get along. Burgh this is Grimsley of the elite four, Grimsley this is Burgh a gym leader."

Whatever Elesa was expecting, her faced showed she certainly hadn't got it. Grimsley and I continued to glare at each other, and I highly doubted we would ever get along.

"Okay…" she exhaled. "Burgh, can I see your phone? You keep accidently calling me, and I think you have automated call on or something."

"Uh, sure Eles." I pried my eyes of Grimsley and handed her my phone.

After playing with it for a while, she handed it back to me.

"I was right; your settings are all messed up. I fixed it for you."  
"Messed up, what do you mean?"

"Well, you have this mode selected which you should have this one. It's the reason your phones been giving you so much trouble."  
"Thanks Elesa, and no wonder I was so confused."

Grimsley flashed a wicked smile "Confused is a nice word for it."

Anger flared through me. He was probably waiting for a shot like that.

"That's it!" I stood up. "You and me, battle, let's go."

His eyes flashed "I thought you'd never ask."

With little warning the dining area turned into a stadium. My Leavannywas on one side, and Grimsley's Bisharp on the other.

Grimsley glanced at Leavanny and made a disgusted face.

"Bug types, I should have known."

"Dark types, I should have known." I shot back in an equally distasteful tone.

Our battle launched into action. I couldn't wait for him to regret ever disrespecting art. I had a type advantage over darks, so this battle will hopefully be easy.

Unfortunately, not everyone was so keen on the idea of having a battle in the middle of the dining room, and Alder broke it up practically just as soon as it started. Grimsley and I were sent to your corners, and we both received a talking two from the champion about disrupting events.

After things cooled down a little I decided to go outside and get some air, however I was intercepted by Lenora.

"There you are!" she trotted up to me. "I'd like you to meet Dylan!"

I don't know how I managed to miss seeing Dylan right behind Lenora, because he was a giant.

I was beginning to understand what Elesa meant by "odd"

Dylan was straight up scary. He was about seven feet tall, had tattoos running up and down his arms, and had several piercings protruded from his face.

Holy shit.

"Sup, I'm Dylan." He remarked in a deep intimidating voice, and commenced to give me the most obvious "up-down"

"…um…hello." I said slowly

Dylan and I stared at each other for a moment.

"So, what do you think?" Lenora asked cheerfully

_What do I think?_ I screamed mentally, _where did you get this guy? Prison? _

"Um you seem…nice…" I said to Dylan. "But, um…"

Crap! Thanks to the incident with Grimsley, I had completely forgotten to make up an excuse.

_Think Burgh, think!_ I thought quickly

I subtly glanced around, looking for at least a way to make a quick exit. I spotted what looked like Brycen's bag, and an idea bubbled in my head.

"Um, I'm real sorry Lenora; but I forgot to mention, that I already have a boyfriend."

"What's that now?" she said surprised

"Yeah, it totally slipped my mind." I said glancing at Dylan, "sorry!"

He glared at me.

"Ah, well that's too bad. But hey, if you forgot about it, it can't be very serious! How about you two go out anyway, plus I've got a whole bunch of other guys just like Dylan who you would be perfect with."

Oh Arceus, there were more.

"Ah, no." I fumbled with my excuse "Actually we're pretty serious, we've been together for years, I was just, uh…nervous about tonight, so…it slipped my mind."

"Is that a fact?" Lenora asked raising an eyebrow. She was on to me.

"Yeah, in fact," I said glancing around. "He's here tonight."

"He is?"

"Yeah, he's right over here." I lead them over to the table with the bag

_This is perfect,_ I thought, _I'll pretend Brycen is my boyfriend, he'll lie for me, and Lenora will never try to fix me up again._

We all stood around the table for a little while, and I wished Brycen would hurry up and get back from wherever he was.

Before things could get worse, I heard footsteps coming in our direction.

"Here he is!" I exclaimed and wrapped my arm around Brycen's waist.

This would have been the part where my brilliant last minute plan went off without a hitch. I would have skated away, avoided Lenora on all topics relating to dating, and Elesa and I would have had a good laugh about the shenanigans that unfolded my very first time at a league meeting.

Except it wasn't Brycen who had come to get the bag, and it definitely wasn't his waist I had my arm around.

I first realized something was wrong, when my arm just about wrapped completely around the waist. Brycen was toned, and there was no way he was daintier than me. The voice was the second clue.

"What the hell are you doing?"

It was Grimsley.

"This is your boyfriend?" Lenora asked even more shocked than I was.

I looked from Grimsley to Lenora and finally Dylan. I've never seen a group of more astonished faces before.

"Yes, he is." I said, deciding to hold my ground.

"I'm your what?" He exclaimed, and attempted to squirm out of my grasp.

I tightened my grip "oh, honey, you're so funny."

"What did you just-"I cut him off by tightening my grip even more.

"Wait, didn't you two get into a fight earlier tonight."

"Oh, that? We just kid around! We only really fight over who loves who more! Even now, we're just messing around."

Grimsley was still squirming "joking around?" he gasped "unhand me you-"

"…so funny." I practically chocked on the words.

"Well, alright then." Lenora said simply.

Dylan apparently, had had enough, and stormed off.

"Dylan, wait! Well…good for you burgh" Lenora said still unsure, and then turned to chase after Dylan.

When they were both out of sight, I released Grimsley as if he were made of hot coals.

We both took a little while to collect ourselves.

"I should have known you had a thing for me." Grimsley chuckled. "Why else would you have harassed me so much tonight?"

A mix of frustration, embarrassment and anger arose in me, and my face was the color of a charmeleon's skin. "Don't flatter yourself! This was all just a misunderstanding."

"_Misunderstanding?"_ Grimsley gasped, relishing in my distress. "Why Burgh, it's one thing to lie to me, but to yourself?"

"Oh, shut up! Why are you still here?"

"Good point, you are lowering my IQ by the second, and just about any other activity would be superior to listening to your excuses…"

"So go!"

"Not so fast," Grimsley rounded on me "If I hear you referring to me as your _boyfriend_ ever again, you'll regret it."

With that last lovely remark and one grand flip of his scarf, Grimsley skulked away and disappeared from my sight.

I sighed "don't worry, I already am."

This certainly wasn't the way I imagined my first meeting going. Earlier, Elesa and I joked that perhaps I would finally meet my prince charming tonight; however, all I actually got out of the meeting was a rather annoying enemy.

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thanks for reading, hope it wasn't too bad!


	2. Chapter 2

I was lying on my couch attempting to ignore the blank papers and canvasses that surrounded me in my flat. My art supplies lay dejected on the floor, and I couldn't even look at them without feeling guilty. My artists block has prevented me from feeling any sort of inspiration in over three weeks.

Truthfully I didn't know how much longer I could take it. I had tried everything! I'd walked in the pinwheel forest, I've battle countless trainers, and I've visited museums. The only spark of inspiration I've felt in a while was stamped out by my spat with _Grimsley._

I shuddered and turned over on the couch, just his name gives me the creeps. I had hoped that after our little altercation, I would have at least been inspired to portray a tense and dark scene in my art; but whenever I began to raise my paint brush the emotion and motivations seemed to drain from me.

A telephone's ringing cut through my musings, and I hopped of the couch and picked up the device responsible for the noise.

"Hellooooo, this is Burgh."

"Burgh! Glad I got a hold of you." it was Lenora.

A sinking feeling crept into my stomach.

"Hi, Lenora…what's up?" I was hesitant to ask

"Well, my wedding anniversary is coming up this week, and my Husband and I have decided to go to a couples retreat together."

"Wow…that sounds great Lenora."

"It sure is." Her voice picked up and showed just how exited she truly was. "It's a two week stay and there are experts there who will provide couples counseling to better our already great relationship."

"That sounds super." Where was she going with this?

"Well, here's what I called you for Burgh. A two week stays at a famous couple's retreat is incredibly expensive. However, they are offering a discount if a group of couples books a stay."

Uh-oh

"So I was wondering, if you and your boyfriend would want to help us out by coming with us? We won't be able to afford it any other way."

My quick thinking skills sprang into action

"Well, I'm sorry Lenora, but aren't couples retreats usually for couples who have been together for a while? Grimsley and I haven't been together very long."

"What? But didn't you say at the league gathering that you two had been together for years?"

I might have forgotten to mention, but my quick thinking skills weren't the best.

_Oh, Arceus, had I really said that?_ I thought in despair.

"Well," I began, trying to dig myself out of this mess. "What I meant that night was…"

"Burgh, I get the feeling you're not telling me the truth." Suspicion rose in her voice.

"No, no…it just that-"

"Yeah?" I could practically hear her raise an eyebrow.

"It's just that Grimsley isn't the touchy-feely kind of guy. I don't think he'd enjoy much."

"…"

"Ah, plus, I'm busy this entire week. I just didn't want to tell you because I thought it sounded like a lame excuse." I laughed nervously.

"Well Burgh that does sound like a pretty lame excuse. But, not to worry, you don't need to use it."

"Wh-what?" That statement left me confused.

"The couples retreat isn't until next week! So you and Grimsley can make it!"

Of course we could.

"And don't worry about the sourpuss of yours; they have an entire course dedicated to those who don't like to express their feelings. Burgh I promise you, this retreat will do wonders for your relationship."

"Wait Lenora,"

"Now Burgh, I'm not taking "no" for an answer."

And that was how my little lie to save myself from dating a psycho bit me in the ass. True to Lenora's word, she refused to accept any other lame excuse I coughed up. The conversation ended with a "see you there" from Lenora and painfully fake "can't wait" from me. I hung up the phone and retreated back to my couch for some "how can I pursued Grimsley to come without him killing me" brainstorming time.

The next day I called Grimsley.

"Hello, Grimsley." He answered in a bored tone.

"Hi, don't hang up, but this is Burgh."

I heard and angry slam on the other side of the line. He hung up.

I sighed and dialed his number again. It rang a few times and no one picked up. I hung up and dialed again. To my expectations, he didn't pick up.

I sighed again, and dialed once more. This time, I let it go to voice mail.

"Hey Grimsley, thanks for being mature and not even listening to what I had to say. I was going to be nice about this, but you leave me no choice. Do you remember that bag you had at the meeting a week ago, the one you came back to get but then forgot again. Well I have it, and-"

I heard the other side of the line get picked up.

"You have _what?!_" he growled.

"Your bag." I said simply.

"Listen here you little-"

"Your lovely tone tells me you know exactly where I'm going with this. It also proves my suspicions on the content of your bag."

"You went through my bag!?"

"Of course I went through your bag; I can't use it to extort from you, if I don't know what kind of black mail is in it."

"Black mail, I have no idea-"

"Save it, your reaction is proof enough. Though these ticket stubs, do serve as more official evidence. Betting on Rapidash racing is illegal, and immoral. I know Alder won't be happy if he learns that one of his elite four members is into gambling. If you don't want him to find out, you best listen to what I have to say."

"…fine, what do you want?" I could feel his murderous glare through the phone.

I took a deep breath, and explained everything.

"So, what do you say?" I asked; knowing he didn't have much choice.

"…"

Silence.

"Grimsley?"

"You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

"There is no way in hell-"

"I have your bag."

"…"

"…"

There was a moment of tense silence before I heard Grimsley exhale and impressive sigh.

"When?" he simply asked

My stomach was doing flips. "Next week."

Another period of silence passed, and I speculated neither of us knew what to say.

Guilt had weaved its way into me, and I actually felt bad for the situation I had put Grimsley in.

I cleared my throat. "Listen, I promise I'll make this as painless as possible. We just have to pretend to like each other for a couple of weeks and then we can go back to hating each other."

"Oh save it!" he snapped.

And just like that, my guilt was gone.

"Look I'll do it, okay? But you have to swear that once we're done with this idiotic charade that you'll give me my bag back. Deal?"

I recoiled mentally a bit at Grimsley's statement. It had been dripping with venom, and I suspected this little bit of blackmail would make him hate me forever.

"Deal." I said firmly.

He sighed and then paused. After recollecting himself he sneered "well then, see you in a week sweetheart." And then hung up.

I was left holding the phone listening to the dial tone. I slowly hung up, and retreated back to the couch. Despite my plans success I had kind of hoped it would fail. Next week was going to be pure torture. Grimsley was, without a doubt, conniving ways of getting back at me, and Lenora was going to be pestering me about relationship stuff. In order to survive this couples retreat I was going to have to practice lying, and I should probably come up with some lame story of how Grimsley and I met.

I groaned and rolled over on my side. I was in for the longest two weeks of my life.


	3. Chapter 3

okay, chapter three. special thanks to you brave souls who are reading this, you guys rock.

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After a week filled with gnawing anxiety, the first day of the two week couples retreat had officially started. Grimsley and I were in the lobby siting in palpable tension, we were surrounded by lovey-dovey couples who made us seem out of place. We were waiting for Lenora and her husband and, despite the fact, that Grimsley and I both arrived just about as late as we possibly could, Lenora and co were still absent.

I fiddled with the retreat pamphlet I had picked up. After looking through it and seeing what this retread had to offer, I had come to the conclusion that I was in for the most painful couple of weeks in my life. I don't know how anyone could read the pamphlet without laughing; all the courses they offered were so corny I thought they were a joke at first. They all had lame names like "love bird ballet" or "affectionate water aerobics".

I looked over at Grimsley, who appeared to be intensely glowering at the wall on the other side of the room.

I sighed and hesitantly spoke "Um, hey Grimsley?"

"No." Grimsley replied sharply and didn't move his eyes.

I stared at him in surprised confusion. "No? But I didn't ask anything."

"You don't need to ask, because no matter what you say, the answer…" He turned and faced me, finally breaking his trance. "…Is still no."

I Held his gaze.

"I just thought we should, you know, get ours story straight."

Grimsley let out a curt laugh and turned away. "Story? Well how about you tell the truth for once, and spare those around you from being sucked in to you feeble minded schemes."

I faltered for a quick response, but eventually managed to mutter "Look, I'm sorry you got mixed up in this, but it is kind of your fault too."

"My fault?" Grimsley whipped his head around, eyes wide.

"Yeah," I said, gaining courage. "If you and I hadn't gotten in that stupid argument, then I would have come up with a better excuse for Lenora."

"It's not my fault you suck at thinking quickly!"

"It's not my fault that-"

"Hello boys!" Lenora's booming voice cut through our shouting match.

Grimsley and I both stood up and shot a spiteful glance at each other. Lenora and her husband made a beeline towards us.

"Hi Lenora, You're looking great today." I said attempting to maintain a pleasant façade.

"Why thank you Burgh. Are you guys ready for the best two weeks of your life?" She beamed at us with a wide smile.

Grimsley cringed.

"Aw, don't be like that!" Lenora bellowed and slapped Grimsley on the back, thoroughly knocking the wind out of him. "I'll bet you're the first to cry. The couples counseling they offer here is second to none."

Grimsley let out a strangled cough "I'll take your word for it."

I bit back a chuckle.

"Oh nonsense! The two weeks include several mandatory activities, and a few choice ones, couples counseling is mandatory."

"Of course it is." Grimsley dryly retorted.

"Don't you worry, activities around here are more unique than others." Her eyes flashed with joy.

"Yeah I'll say." I added and held up the pamphlet in explanation.

"Oh, look honey, they're offering love bird ballet again!" Lenora sounded like a gleeful teenage.

"That is my favorite." Lenora's husband chimed in.

"I'm going to throw up." Grimsley muttered to himself.

Lenora babbled on a bit longer about all the different activities the retreat had. Apparently ballet and water aerobics were just the tip of the iceberg. Sexy swing dancing, happy hiking and romantic readings were just a few of the other torture techniques this retreat employed.

After Listening for a while longer to Lenora with a feigned smile plastered on my face, eventually attendants began to hand out room keys. After Lenora had been given her room key, she insisted that she and her husband go there immediately.

"Come on honey; let's see what room we got this time!" Lenora sped off not even bothering to see if her husband was following her.

"Right behind you dear." Lenora's husband began to follow her, but not before he turned to Grimsley and I and murmured "welcome to hell boys, enjoy your stay."

He then disappeared into the flood of couple's ascending up the stairs to their rooms.

"What the hell, he doesn't even want to be here?" Grimsley was fuming.

"I guess he just goes for Lenora." I said, a bit surprised myself.

"So let me get this straight, the only reason any of us are here is because of that senile woman?"

"Hey, Lenora is a good friend of mine, and she just wanted to spend a nice romantic couple of weeks with her husband."

"Who hates it here."

"Yes, but he's just trying to make Lenora happy."

"To think I wouldn't be suffering if only that man would tell his wife he doesn't want to go to some stupid couples retreat."

I didn't bother to console or condemn Grimsley anymore than I already had, instead I decided to go look for our room. Grimsley trailed behind, muttering angrily to himself.

Our room was the standard hotel type, one big room and one bathroom.

And only one bed.

I was so wrapped up in the horror of spending two weeks with Grimsley that I never gave any thought to our sleeping arrangements.

"I call bed." Grimsley said, practically reading my thoughts.

"What, that's not fair!" I was not sleeping on the couch.

"Too bad bug-boy, I called it." Grimsley flashed me a villainous smile.

"What are you, twelve?" I replied annoyed.

"No, but based on your wardrobe you might be."

I gasped. "That was uncalled for. Look lets flip a coin on it, or rock-paper-scissors for it."

"And you say I'm childish. Fine, we'll flip a coin."

With one flick of his wrist, a coin emerged from Grimsley's sleeve.

"Do you keep coins in your sleeves for any particular reason?" I asked.

"You just don't know when you might need a good coin. I call heads."

"Fine, tails."

Grimsley flicked the gold coin into the air and caught it on his hand.

"Heads!" he exclaimed victoriously.

Oh come on!

"Yippee, couch is all mine." I flopped down on my new bed, and began to unpack my suitcases. Grimsley had gone back to mumbling to himself, and I was about to tune him out when I heard him whisper proudly.

"It was a two headed coin you idiot."

That bastard. I should have suspected something when he immediately called heads. I briefly considered calling him out, but thought better of it. Two weeks was a long time, and starting the first day off with a fight sure didn't seem like a good idea.

A knock at the door dispersed my thoughts, and upon answering it a young retreat attendant grinned and handed me a stack of paper.

"Uh, what's this?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"This is just the questionnaire all couples are required to fill out, it so we can find you the best activities to strengthen your relationship and get a better idea of who you are as a couple." She grinned once more. "Just fill that out tonight, and hand it in tomorrow morning at the mandatory assembly."

Before I could say anything, she was gone and the door was closed.

"Mandatory assembly?" Grimsley mused lying on the bed "what is this, high school?"

I made my way over to him, skimming the packet of paper. "Painful activities, surrounded by people you don't like, sure sounds like high school to me." I sat down on the bed.

"I wonder if the food is as bad." He added.

I found a pencil on the nightstand and flipped the packet back to the first page. "Let's get this over with."

After I filled out the basics (names, ages, etc.), the actually "couple" questions began.

"Name several activates you like to do together." I read aloud.

There was a brief silence as Grimsley and I thought.

"swinging." Grimsley remarked.

"I am not putting that."

"Fine, tell them we joined a cult then."

"No!"

"Trafficking drugs?"

"No, would you take this seriously?"

"Take this seriously?" Grimsley sat up. "How in Arceus's name am I supposed to take this situation seriously? You black mailed me into pretending to be your boyfriend and forced me to attend this ridiculous retreat, so you can lie to your friend so she doesn't hook you up with psycho men."

"Yeah, and?" I asked feeling irritated.

"It sounds like the start to an abhorrent romantic comedy." Grimsley got up "well I'm out of here, you're on your own."

"What? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go look for a bar, or maybe I'll go people watching, who knows."

Before I could say any more, the door slammed shut leaving me alone inside the room.

* * *

hope I'm not making Grimsley (or burgh) too much of a jerk. thanks again!


	4. Chapter 4

Wow, I've had the craziest most stressful week ever. now that thing's are finally settling down, I've managed to crank out a new chapter. it's a little rushed, so sorry for any typos or mistakes. enjoy!

* * *

The next day rolled around, bringing with it the dreaded mandatory assembly. Grimsley, being the lovely individual that he was, hadn't returned until early this morning. As a result, I had been forced to fill out the entire couple's questionnaire by myself. The questions themselves were pure torture, and they were harder to BS than I had originally thought. Nonetheless, the answers were as good as they would get, and I honestly didn't care how off-putting they were to resort staff.

After getting ready for the day, which was basically just fighting Grimsley for the bathroom, we both left in a mood akin to that of someone on death row. Apparently we weren't the only ones dreading the assembly, because upon entering the room of the respected event we were met by apathetic and annoyed faces.

Lenora waved to us, catching our attention. We weaved our way over to her through the sea of chairs.

"Now I know what you're thinking," she said as we sat down. "But this assembly isn't as bad as it seems."

Lenora's husband shot me a look, making it clear he disagreed. Grimsley was absent mindedly playing with his phone, and wore a scowl that threatened death to anyone who bothered him.

People always say that waiting is the worst part of anything, regardless of how dreadful the actual event is. Well, this assembly was proof that that statement was a bunch of crap. Waiting for it to start was bearable; Lenora and her husband conversed in lovey-dovey tones, Grimsley was fuming silently, and the rest of the room was a quiet din of complaints. It wasn't until an elderly lady with a microphone appeared on stage that the pain began.

"Hello, excuse me."

The women attempted to gather everyone's attention in a kind gentle voice, but the microphone let out a sharp startling whistle that effectively alarmed the audience. The crowd cringed, letting out upset mummers of discomfort. Lenora and her husband had jumped into each other's arms, I had just about fell out of my chair, and Grimsley had barely managed to avoid throwing his phone across the room in sheer surprise.

"I'm sorry about that," the lady said sweetly "this old thing doesn't work like it used to."

"I bet she's used to saying that." Grimsley retorted.

I shot him a stern look as several people around us chuckled.

"I would like to thank everyone for coming." The women continued, thankfully oblivious to Grimsley's little comment.

"Welcome to Lovely as a luvdisc couple's retreat!"

Oh Arceus, was that seriously this place's name?

"I'm so happy to see so many lovely couples here." She peered into the audience. "Everyone here is so different, yet we all want the same thing. What is it?" She pointed the microphone at the audience, expecting us all to yell out in unison.

Silence initially answered her question. "Oh, come on now." She said a bit sheepishly. "What do you all want to get out of being here?" She waved the microphone, indicated she expected an answer this time.

Several people yelled an answer, Lenora, being the loudest of them. Typical answers were "a happy marriage", "a lasting marriage", and "staying together". "A restraining order" was Grimsley's answer, which earned him more chuckles. I could only sigh and roll my eyes.

"That's better" the women continued with more confidence. "Now, allow me to introduce myself. My name Is Emma, and my husband is Gregg. We have been together for forty years" respectful claps sounded from the audience, and an elderly man standing next to the stage began to wave indicated that he was Gregg.

"Our marriage certainty hasn't been a picnic, but we've stuck it through and we couldn't be happier. This retreat will help you and your partner communicate and better understand each other. Each activity at this retreat is geared towards strengthening your relationship. So the first part of this assembly is going to be explaining each activity. Now I'm going to start with one of our more…uncouth activities, this will allow us to get all of our awkward discussions out of the way. Our first activity we are going to discuss is our "let's talk about last night sex tips." Now, this class may seem a bit invasive and uncomfortable but a good sex life will do wonders for a relationship, won't it honey?"

"It certainly will." Her husband chimed in bearing a huge perverted grin.

"Oh dear Arceus." Grimsley breathed in disgust.

"There are a lot of factors that go into a successful sex life, such as how often. My husband and I make sure to have sex at least three times a week."

Her husband grinned even more, revealing old and rotten teeth.

It only got worse from there; the women went into great detail about the class and offered unwanted information about her own sex life along the way. Grimsley and I sat petrified with our mouths agape as she described the different sex positions she learned in the class. Needless to say, I learned far too much about the reverse rhyhorn position then I ever cared too.

When she was finally done explaining the glories of sex class I swear she had successfully turned me from gay to asexual. And the expression on Grimsley's face told me we were in the same boat.

She then went on to explain the other classes offered and didn't spare on the details of her own experience with them. I felt like I was being forced to sit through a lecture of her home videos.

"Thank you all for listening; those are all the classes we offer."

"Finally." Grimsley got up in huff, assuming the assembly was over.

"Looks like we already have a volunteer!" The elderly woman was ecstatic as she pointed at Grimsley.

Grimsley looked around and realized that he was the only one standing up, and he was the one she was pointing at.

"Vol-volunteer?" He stuttered, obviously alarmed.

"yes, I was just going to ask if we had any couples who would like to share their relationship with us, we find this really helps other couples analyses their own relationships. I'm glad to see that someone is so enthusiastic!"

Grimsley and I exchanged a "we're screwed" look.

"So dear, how would you describe your relationship in one word?"

Grimsley was a stantler in the headlights, "um…good?" He managed to mutter.

"Good?" Emma cocked her head.

"Good." Grimsley quickly replied.

"So then, tell us why it's good?" she smiled.

"Um…it…just is."

"It just is?"

"Yeah…"

The entire room was looking at Grimsley like he was a guy in the girl's bathroom. A bead of sweat descended from his forehead. I might have enjoyed this moment if there wasn't a possibility that the interrogation would be turned on me.

"Well alright, if you don't want to talk we'll leave it at that." She dawned another smile, which was frankly getting creepy. "How about instead you tell us something about your partner that bugs you?"

Before the question was even out of her mouth Grimsley had an answer.

"He's annoying." His response was so fast and his tone was so flat he earned a chorus of laughs.

I crossed my arms in irritation, pretending to be a couple was going to be difficult if Grimsley was going to cut me down every chance he got.

"Well, that may be…but can you say that in a less hostile way?" Emma smiled a bit hesitantly.

Grimsley gritted his teeth as if he were experiencing pain. "…he…um ..sometimes he annoys me."

"That's better dear, but in the future you should make sure to bring up problems in a non-confrontational manner, this helps preserve your partner's feelings and will prevent them from getting so defensive. Thank you for volunteering, you may sit down now."

Grimsley dropped back into his seat as if he were avoiding an object being thrown at him.

I smirked at how shaky he was. "Nice." I muttered in sarcasm.

"Shut up." he snapped as his cheeks turned red.


End file.
